the flash so nice, you loaded it thrice
just wanted to say that
hate to be negative nancy...
...but i'm not REALLY being a negative nancy. i'm just, you know, being, like, honest, so you can, like, you know, improve and stuff.
i gave you five stars because you had the patience and dedication to make a 22 minute short film.
i gave you another star because the phone-head-thing was cool, and as far as i know, an original idea.
i gave you another star because the plot wasn't completely and utterly god-awful, i suppose. i mean, you were trying.
...buuut it was still kinda lame. hence the 7. sorry. there was just too much sap, too mcuh emotion that you hadn't earned. this might not be obvious, but creating emotion in a short film, especially an animated one, is difficult, and requires hard work and time. to make an audience sad, you have to do more than drop a sad face on a sad character in some arbitrary sad situation and put on some sad music.
actually, that's a complete lie. judging by the reviews you're getting, you can reach about 90% of Newgrounds-farers this way. nonetheless, it takes more than this to sway an intelligent audience. if you want to evoke emotion, you must first strive to create characters with complex, dynamic, believable personalities. here's a good place for you to start: work on portraying emotions that aren't at their fullest extremes. the mood in this movie was relentlessly melodramatic, nearly always so-sad-im-gunna-cry or so-happy-im-gunna cry. real people aren't like that. if you understate some moods, the bits that really need to be intensely emotional will be much stronger. you should do this by actually considering how a real person might feel in the certain situation and toning down the mood if you realize it wouldn't be such a big deal, as well as by writing in scenes and situations that are less dramatic. try writing a few scenes that aren't dramatic at all, but just help develop characters or ideas. this will make your work seem less like bad soap opera.
also, even if its 22 minutes, it's still a short film. try to keep it to one idea or theme: in your case, the relationship between Lucy and the inventor. all that stuff with the boy and the spaceship at the end really just shouldn't have been there. you should have some kind of positive emotion going on, but it should be worked into the main storyline. don't just throw a cute boy out of outer space to give it a happy ending.
i hope this will help you in future projects. please respond telling me i was helpful, or an asshole, or to tell me i take things too seriously.
I have received your review well.
". i'm just, you know, being, like, honest, so you can, like, you know, improve and stuff."
Of course. I love honesty, suggestions and points of views. etc.etc. And you're not being a negative nancy. You're a natural nancy. Naturaly you spoke what you feel. and naturaly this project wasn't good, so "negative" nancy.
"i gave you five stars because you had the patience and dedication to make a 22 minute short film."
For me. Patience and dedication doesnt really mean anything, in terms of "Have you seen a big feature length movies that is horrible? THere's gotta be some studio movie, or even independent feature length film that was HORRIBLE. Where you give it 0 out of ten even if it's "unfair". Cause obviously people invest time, but the end result is so bad, it makes you say "SO WHAT!". Did they have dedication and patience? So are you going to give them high marks? see? This is just me though.
"i gave you another star because the phone-head-thing was cool,"
"...buuut it was still kinda lame. "
I agree. Wait no i dont. IT IS LAME. Trust me i agree with everything you said.
I think you'd appreciate a great book. "STORY" by Robert Mckee. Get it.
I dont really have a disclaimer, but i can at least tell you one.
But I know this project is bad bad bad. it's lame. The nice and healthy thing is, i'm able to see and confess this. I've grown. Our future projects will destroy this project.
Thank you for your honesty.
show don't tell
the animation, as usual, is absolutely brilliant, but for me the narration kinda killed it
your other movies were so beautiful in how the visuals stood for themselves
the narration in this seemed kind of cheesy, like something from a bad nature film, and for me just detracted from the experience
i do like that you are trying to look at Bitey as a dynamic, emotional character, but if you could find a way to show this through visuals, it would be much more powerful!
Just... immense. Stylish, fun, creative, energetic, fresh... BRAVO!
A desperate attempt to get views, which i guarantee will not work. Please, stop wasting your time doing this.
I have trouble giving above a six when so little effort was put into the visuals. But the dialogue and voice acting was actually amusing. Just make something that's a little more visually interesting, and you could be really good.
Good song. OK animation.
The audio is obviously well done, and kinda funny in a sick way, but I don't think that makes it deserving of a high rating, because you didn't make the song. The animation by itself really wasn't that great. It wasn't BAD, it just wasn't anything special.
I don't think this is bad because Newgrounds can't have videos. I just didn't think it was very well done. It wasn't TERRIBLE, but make the story-line a lot clearer, and make the audio fit with that of a b/w silent film. And you have to either learn to act or add in some more humor. And the camera was a little shaky, which is always irritating to watch. Still, it was a good effort, so you get 7.
Oh Swain, how you make me laugh...
MAKE MORE! NOW!
newgrounds.com — Your #1 online entertainment & artist community! All your base are belong to us.